Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Jargons. I blame them for the decline in innovation. One person tried something new. it worked. People copied. it got inducted into the "best-practice" hall of fame. And then everybody jumps onto the bandwagon, even those who have no idea why the bandwagon exists and what it actually used to stand for.
I hate jargons. And the more i work in advertsing the more i detest them. I feel infected when people use them near me. It always makes me question their motives.
Sometimes you catch yourself asking whether all people have done is find ways to fit a marketing brief into their favourite jargon set and build statements and campaigns around them. I want to bang my head against a (soft, cushioned) wall whenever one slips from my mouth. And i admit they do.
But they only do because for a moment there's a gap in my thought process and a big fat jargon makes me sound nice and impressive again. But in the back of my head, a little voice is saying "you uneducated wanker, you couldn't say that in plain english?" And i speak about advertising but it's not just in advertising. Bankers use them. But Politicians are going for the title.
It's a shroud. When someone can't say what he's going to do in simple English, he either hasn't thought it through properly, or he has no idea what he's talking about in practical terms. And that's because without a big fat jargon to fill up a gap, we actually have to explain the WHATs and the WHYs. And those require thought.
I wish they would make these helmets for real.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Thursday, October 18, 2012
So, quick thing. The average boob weighs about 1.1lbs and should contain about 4-5 percent of body fat. Ladies, it's a blessing to weigh more. This is not college. D's are good things now. Get weighed by a helping hand. Or hands. Your choice. Male hands if you can find such a thing. Effective scales, those.
Good talk. #tuningtotokyo
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
How would that have played out? Well just randomly, off the top of my head...
T-1 hour: Meteorological service confirms that we have excellent weather ahead.
T-43 minutes: It begins to rain. Obscenely. Meteorological service is stunned. This wouldn't be the first time.
T-41 minutes: Countdown suspended because ECG has intervened.
T- 34 minutes: Countdown restored by back up generator
T- 32 minutes: Countdown suspended as we switch back to main power. ECG restored.
T-30 minutes: Countdown interrupted as ECG fails. Again.
T-29 minutes: Committee formed to determine whether to wait for ECG to restore power or fuel generator and proceed.
T-26 minutes: Countdown resumes as mission control committee decides we carry on with generator power.
T-15 minutes: Vice President's motorcade arrives
T-13 minutes: Cultural display begins
T-10 minutes: Minister of space jumps takes podium to deliver speech on how current government is dedicated to boosting the economy with more space jump initiatives backed by funding from UNESCO, WHO, and China. Also there will be free SHS.
T-2 minutes: He's still going.
T-1 minute: Bola Ray takes over countdown... "alraaa, are you readey?" "i said are you readey!?!"
T- 30 seconds: Feedback from the mic over the PA system
T- 9 seconds: Bola reminds us that this jump is brought to us by MTN. Everywhere you go.
T-3 seconds: Lift off. Someone hadn't synchronized their watch properly.
Felix's Felix's balloon rises slowly and elegantly for a while. Then suddenly begins to drift towards Labadi Beach.
Mission control assures him that all is well, It's just the north-east trade winds.
Sure enough, the balloon rights its course and soars into the atmosphere. We can still hear Felix loud and clear. Bola interjects that communication is sponsored by MTN.
10,00 ft... 20,000.... 50,000...
"Mission control: Hello Felix... can you hear us" No response.
Mission control redials. Over the PA system we hear "Everywhere you go, there's always sky big beautiul... " Felix picks up "hello, hi Ghana, i'm still here... still rising... such a wonderful view... i can see... " Call cuts.
Mission control redials: " We hear Jessica instead. The MTN number you have dialled canot be reached at the moment..."
At 100,000 feet, Felix is floating high over accra. Unable to reach mission control for some reason he sits tight hoping that once Mission control realizes, they will abort the mission and you know, send the Airforce in or something. Oh sweet, sweet Felix.
So he continues to soar in faith. Unaware that he's about to be introduced to another particularly African concept. The concept of "efie fuo... house people." As it turns out, his "House people" have been looking for him... ahem.
Nah. You know I'm just playing. Of course it'd have gone perfectly.