Monday, February 13, 2012

Valentine Survival guide.

Those of you of a more mushy disposition are probably already aware of tomorrow's significance. Fine. Whatever. Some of us only just discovered today's date and it's implications an hour ago. So what to do? You could go out and try to find an open shop and buy something, but then the question is, what do you get? Roses? I've never understood the logc behind giving someone fresh flowers that will fade away, die and proceed to rot in a few hours, as a significance of your affection.

Chocolate is an option... but then you have to get one of those expensive ones. You cant buy Kingsbite, unless your intention is to generate shock and annoyance. So... it has to be one of those foreign sounding ones from Geneva. But then, she'll gobble it all up, and then what? You'll have no evidence of your affection. And thus another dead end.

So now, your mind may drift to Brazilian hair - the gift that keeps on giving - however, unless you know any actual brazilians willing to shave on your account Why would anyone spend the equivalent of 48 bags of cement to prove a point? And all that effort will evvaporate by the 15th anyways.

So, solution? Feign ignorance. If she brings it up go "nooo... that was today?!"

or take the high road. Say to her "baby, i love how our releationship is so trancedental that we dont need fleeting materialistic elements to prove our afection for each other." At this point, she cant sulk, cuz on one hand it's a compliment - albeit a complement that gets you off the hook - but one none the less. Bliss.

If all else fails, pick a good fight. Make it something that deserves at least a day's worth of sulking. Be careful though. They see these things coming especially during this dangerous period. So you'll have to find something natural, something she wont see coming, like walk in when she's watching TV and go  "Baby, i thought we agreed you wouldnt watch TV3 news? Why do we keep having these issues! Why do you make this so difficult!" Then quickly walk out! Hopefully she wont recover till Friday. Be warned you have to do this before midnight tonight, otherwise she will catch on!


Clean Bathrooms 2.

Ok, forget public bathrooms. I have an even more fundamental problem wtih people who don't keep their personal bathrooms clean. Yes i'm back to this because it's the kind of thing that causes divorces. All that alleged love WILL die when you discover their horrendous bathroom manners. Why do you think there are couples walking around angry with each other for no reason?

Have you ever walked into a bathroom in a respectble place - office, household, establishment, whatever - where seemingly respectable people are supposed to live and work... and then you walk into their disastrous bathroom and think, what the... wait a minute!! 

Then you look at the people and now in the back of your head you're like, so you, upon your tie and big english... still? Yes, obviously i take this bathroom thing very personally, but i think i'm finally done. It's not rocket science. It's just basic courtesy, right?

"Do unto the bathroom what you would have other people do unto it beforeyou get there". Or maybe it's not so simple.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Clean Bathrooms

I hate public bathrooms. And if you went to a local secondary school or you've seen some of the ones i have, you'd understand. Clean bathrooms should be part of the requirements for registering a business. They should be an aspect of customer service. But many places - even hotels seem unable to grasp this concept, hence shocking results.

And this extends to taps. Look, if you haven't switched to motion activated taps, we have a problem. Because unless they're disinfected every ten minutes, those taps are just bacterial infections waiting to kill you.

While we're on the subject, running water is always a necessity. A note on the mirror that says "please the pipe is not flowing" is a call to be publicly flogged. So what happens in an emergency? Most people try to get home. But history has shown life can be cruel to even the manliest of men. So here are some of the cleanest bathrooms people have suggested, just in case you ever have a code red.

The Alisa Hotels - North Ridge. Fiesta Royal - Achimota Highway
Holiday Inn - Airport
Marvels - Dzorwulu
Golden Tulip, Kumasi (the Accra one is meh) If you can make it to any of these, you should be fine. If not, may the force be with you.